WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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