He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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