He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
