cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
