Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
please come you make the beer taste better
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
