Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
