The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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