I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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