Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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