Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
