He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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