your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize