...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
