i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize