Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
