I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
