Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
