A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
