JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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