after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
