we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
