After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We have started to decorate penises.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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