From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
