also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
