I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
