i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
