Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
