3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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