Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
