Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
