I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
