It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just puked most of my soul out..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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