worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
