I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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