One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize