Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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