Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Drunk is not a location!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
