ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
