Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just invented taco cereal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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