did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
