i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
