I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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