So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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