Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
