So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize