Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
