Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
