It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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