You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
