so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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