Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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