turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
