TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
