remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
