Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
