This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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