I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
