im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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