MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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