I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
