So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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