I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
