I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
