ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
