there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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