i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
