you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
