If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Michael Bay diarrhea
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's official drugs can't kill me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
