I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
