I hate your face
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
