Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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