Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
